Sanford and Son

Crossed Swords

Lamont buys a porcelain figure for $15 from a silent movie star and after having it appraised, Lamont and Fred decide to take it to an auction to make even more money on it. Fred and Lamont attend the auction pretending to be buyers so that the price can be jacked up higher. However, things go awry to Lamont's dismay.

Happy Birthday, Pop

Lamont buys Fred a new hat for his birthday and then tries to take him out on the town to celebrate. However, a visit to a fancy bar, a movie theater to see Fiddler on the Roof and dinner at a Chinese restaurant are far from a celebration for Fred.

Here Comes the Bride, There Goes the Bride

Engaged, Lamont is excited about his impending nuptials but on the wedding day he quickly finds himself the only one who is. The bride dumps him at the altar and he finds his relatives begging to get back their wedding gifts.

The Copper Caper

Fred and Lamont buy a load of copper from a man that has been stealing copper in the neighborhood. The man is late for a meeting with Lamont at the diner because he is ripping off the Sanford plumbing pipes, which he then sells to Fred and Lamont.

A Matter of Life and Breath

Lamont comes down hard on Fred to try to get him to quit smoking and has him go to the doctor for a chest x-ray. Later, the results are sent in the mail and Fred becomes convinced he has tuberculosis.

We Were Robbed

While cleaning the house, Fred knocks over Lamont's glass figurine collection. Trying to cover up the fact that he broke them, Fred makes up a story about how the house was robbed and how he fought them off. In the process, he is labeled as a hero and Fred takes advantage of it.

A Pad for Lamont

Lamont tries to have a quiet evening with his latest girlfriend, Darlene, but has little privacy thanks to an annoying Fred who keeps interrupting them. Fed up, Lamont decides to move into his own apartment, which at first worries Fred but then discovers he himself has privacy.

The Great Sanford Siege

Fred does not feel like paying his bills and he throws them in the trash claiming that they never arrived, dragging out the services for as long as he can. After doing so, Fred receives threats that say that they will turn off the gas, electricity, and other utilities, and repossess his furniture if he does not pay.

Coffins for Sale

Lamont purchases two coffins from an auction to try and get a profit if he sells them to a funeral parlor. In the process, Fred becomes paranoid by having the coffins in the house and refuses to sleep in the house with the coffins. Lamont doesn't think much of it, until he begins hearing strange noises at night.

The Barracuda

Fred proposes marriage to Donna Harris, a widow whom Fred is in love with. Lamont can't understand why a practical nurse in her 40's would be interested in a 65-year old junk dealer, and does his best to oppose their impending nuptials.

TV or Not TV

Fred wants a new color television set and Lamont wants a new car. The problem is that they cannot afford both of them, so Lamont buys the car. However, after Fred discovers Lamont's purchase, he comes up with a scheme that involves him pretending to have amnesia until Lamont will buy him a color television.

The Suitcase Case

While collecting junk, Lamont runs across an old suitcase and decides it could be worth something. However, once he gets it home, Fred makes a shocking discovery when he opens the case to discover that it is stuffed with money. Lamont wants to turn the money in and Fred wants to keep it and locks in a safe. Just then a gunman shows up wanting the money.

The Return of the Barracuda

Fred and Donna reconcile their differences and get back together with marriage being on both of their minds. Fred breaks the news to Lamont, who once again is dead set against the whole idea and decides that two can play that game and cooks up a scheme to stop Fred and Donna's impending nuptials.

The Piano Movers

A wealthy man wants to get rid of a grand piano and Lamont gets a great deal on it. However, the big problem turns out to be moving it out of the man's apartment.

By the Numbers

Fred is sure that his dreams will be good luck in picking numbers for a lottery and his hunch turns out to be true, despite the fact that Lamont forbids him to participate. Fred quickly finds himself $500 richer but also finds Aunt Ethel and Bubba needing quick cash.

Whiplash

After getting in an accident with the truck, Fred thinks that he might have whiplash and Fred's friend Bubba convinces him that he can make big money off of the situation. Lamont is against the whole idea but Fred insists on going through with a lawsuit, but first Fred must identify the person the hit him.

The Dowry

Fred's cousin arrives with his new wife and his not-so-attractive stepdaughter, Betty Jean. When Fred finds out that she will inherit $10,000 if she marries, he tries to fix it so that Lamont will marry her. However, Fred's plan backfires when Lamont catches on to his scheme.

Jealousy

Donna, Fred's fiancee, brings a patient, Osgood Wilcox over for dinner at the Sanford residence and it becomes apparent that Osgood is interested in more than just medical care from Donna. Meanwhile, Lamont encourages Fred to believe there is something going on between Osgood and Donna resulting in a confrontation.

Tooth or Consequences

Fred's toothache becomes an exercise in patience for Lamont when Fred refuses to see a dentist and instead tries Bubba's home remedy and a hypnotist. Finally, Fred decides to throw in the towel and visits a dentist but insists on a white dentist.

Card Sharps

Fred gets a surprise one night when Lamont announces that he's having some friends over to play poker. However, Fred doesn't take Lamont's advice at "getting lost" since he's convinced Lamont's so-called friends are trying to hustle him out of his money.

Have Gun, Will Sell

One evening, Lamont and his friend Rollo go out. When they return they interrupt a robber trying to flee from the scene. Later they discover the crook dropped his gun and in an attempt to get some quick cash, decide to pawn it. However, once at the pawn shop, the broker mistakes Fred wanting money for the gun for a stickup.

The Puerto Ricans Are Coming!

Fred gets a new next door neighbor and is shocked to learn that he is Puerto Rican and planning on opening a junk business of his own. Fred gets upset about the competition and contrives a plan to get the city to condemn his property especially since, Julio has a pet goat.

The Shootout

Lamont pays $50 for an antique gun and brings it home to show Fred. Fred begins re-enacting war stories and accidentally pulls the trigger not knowing it's loaded. The blast shoots through the next door neighbor's window, who suddenly drops from site just after having a heated argument with Fred. Fred jumps to the conclusion that he killed him.

Blood is Thicker Than Junk

Lamont is fed up working with Fred and quits the partnership. He soon finds a job down the street at a rival junk collector's business. Meanwhile, Fred looks for another partner and finds one in Norman, whose first contribution is a stuffed bear.

Sanford and Son and Sister Makes Three

Fred's old girlfriend Juanita stops by for dinner with her daughter, Alice. Lamont falls for Alice and thinks of asking for her hand in marriage. However, Juanita tells Fred that Alice is his daughter and Lamont is wining and dining his sister.

A Guest in the Yard

Fred and Lamont find a homeless bum sleeping in a bathtub in their yard. After trying to get him to move on, he pretends that he gets hurt on their property and threatens to sue. Fred and Lamont try everything in their power to persuade him not to sue and Fred does his best to try to prove the bum is not really injured.

Fred & Carol & Fred & Donna

Fred and Donna's on again off again relationship is back on and he invites her to dinner. Later, Fred gets a visit from a saleslady who peaks his interest and he blindly invites her to dinner, forgetting all about Donna. Thanks to Lamont's manipulations, he makes sure Fred has to juggle the dates around, keeping up appearances.

The Light Housekeeper

After Fred gets a minor injury from a car accident, Lamont and Fred seek to find a maid to help out around the house. After looking, they get what the agency has at the bottom of the barrel. However, the erratic white woman does nothing but add to Fred's pain.

The Big Party

Fred and Lamont have bills coming out of their ears and consider going on welfare, something Fred refuses to do. Fred comes up with a plan to throw a "big party" in the Sanford home and charge admission. That's when two hoods show wanting a part of the action. Meanwhile, Aunt Esther is trying to find a place to hold her weekly church group meetings.

A Visit From Lena Horne

Fred and Lamont take a tour through the NBC studios and Fred gets a kick out of seeing Johnny Carson's parking spot. However, what Fred really gets a kick out of is seeing Lena Horne's car and sneaks into her dressing room. After meeting her, he tries to trick her into visiting him at his home.

Lamont Goes African

Lamont goes totally African. He starts to wear African clothing, and yearns to learn more about the culture. At the same time, Fred thinks that the whole thing is ridiculous, that is until a woman from Nigeria visits and explains to Lamont how sacred listening to your father is in African culture and how you should respect him.

Watts Side Story

Fred is up in arms when he discovers his neighbor, Julio's family is visiting and may move out to California. However, things really hit the fan when Fred learns that Lamont has asked Julio's sister, Maria out, something Fred is totally against.

The Infernal Triangle

Fred meets a young woman and he quickly announces to Lamont that he has proposed to her. However, Lamont is in for a big surprise when he meets Fred's fiancee who just happens to be Lamont's old flame, whom he would like to marry himself.

Pops 'n' Pals

Next door neighbor, Julio, has become a very good friend of Lamont's. With Lamont, spending so much free time with Julio, Fred begins to feel left out and decides to try to be more like one of the guys. However, Fred quickly learns the advantages of having so much free time and no one to hoard in on it.

Home Sweet Home for the Aged

Lamont breaks the news to Fred that he plans to join the crew of a tramp steamer and sail around the world. A shocked Fred gets another shock, Lamont plans on putting him in a retirement home.

Pot Luck

Lamont pays twenty bucks for a commode that he thinks is a valuable antique.

The Kid

A 9 year old runaway child shows up on the Sanfords' property and Fred is against having any little kids around to cause problems but Fred quickly lightens up the young boy despite his gruff exterior. Fred then takes it upon himself to teach the kid to appreciate what he's got at home.

Rated X

Lamont and Rollo answer an ad that promises them stardom through low-budget movies. Fred gets a hold of the brochure and decides to try out too. When they get down there they quickly discover the low budget movies are X-rated followed by a police raid and Fred, Lamont and Rollo are hauled off to jail.

Lamont as Othello

Fred comes home to find Lamont and his drama teacher Marilyn acting out a choking scene from the play "Othello." Fred then jumps to the logical conclusion that Lamont is trying to kill a white woman. Later, Fred becomes the victim of assumption when Marilyn invites Fred and Lamont to her place and her parents think Fred and Lamont are trying to rob the place.

Libra Rising All Over Lamont

Lamont visits an astrologist and discovers he's a double Libra, thus his goal in life is for peace and decides to get along with his father at all costs. Meanwhile, Fred eats a batch of 8 day-old greens and gets sick and becomes convinced he's dying. This leads to Grady spreading the word of Fred's supposedly impending death, which draws Aunt Esther and her friends out of the woodwork.

Fred, the Reluctant Fingerman

Lamont and Julio go out one evening to shoot pool leaving a left-out Fred behind to sulk. Fred soon finds himself a witness to a burglary when he confronts two thieves burglarizing Julio's house. Later, Fred refuses to testify and identify the culprits out of fear and a frustrated Lamont and Julio put a plan into motion to get him to, and it starts when Fred's truck is stolen.

Presenting the Three Degrees

Rollo and Lamont are managing a girl singing group from Philadelphia, The Three Degrees. They stay at the Sanford house while preparing for a talent show at the Safari Club. Fred is against the notion at first until he meets the three sexy girls. At the Safari Club, Lamont is surprised when Fred and his friends arrive and they start heckling the other acts.

This Little TV Went to Market

Fred and Lamont's TV set is on it's last legs and Lamont considers buying a brand new one, however Fred buys a used color TV set for cheap. Things get out of hand when Fred's friend Grady stops by and recognizes Fred's new set as his set that was stolen. Fred quickly wants an out of the situation and sells it to his neighbor Julio for $50.

Lamont is That You?

Lamont and Rollo are out on the town one evening and decide to stop in at a new bar for a couple drinks. However, they soon realize they have stumbled into a gay bar. Unknown to them, Bubba just happened to see them go inside. Bubba promptly jumps to conclusions and then proceeds to tell Fred that Lamont is gay. Not believing Bubba's story, Fred decides to get to the bottom of the situation.

Fuentes, Fuentes, Sanford & Chico

Lamont has decided to go in on a partnership with Julio in a used auto parts business venture and Fred becomes convinced that Lamont is abandoning their junk business. Against the whole notion, Fred decides he's not going to stay where he's not wanted and gets a bed at the local mission. Lamont and Julio cook up a scheme in order to lure him back to his home.

Superflyer

Fred gets news that an uncle has died and has left him $1500 in his will. The only thing is, in order to get the money, Fred has to fly to St. Louis to claim it. However, first he must overcome a fear of flying and Lamont is up in arms trying to help him.

The Members of the Wedding (a.k.a.) The Engagement

Fred and Donna enjoy an evening out on the town but then Donna breaks the news that she has had another man propose marriage to her. Not wanting to lose her, Fred decides to propose marriage himself and they plan a small wedding ceremony. However, Lamont is totally against the whole thing and has Aunt Esther and family confront Donna and question her intentions.

The Blind Mellow Jelly Collection (a.k.a.) The Chameleon

Lamont advises Fred to donate a collection of Blind Mellow Jelly records to a music library for a tax write-off. After doing so, Fred finds out from an appraiser that the records are valued at five hundred dollars. Fred, with dollar signs in his eyes, has Bubba act as though he were the son of Blind Mellow Jelly in an attempt to get them back.

A House is Not a Poolroom

For a birthday present, Lamont buys Fred a pool table. But things get out of hand when Fred invites his buddies over for some friendly games. They quickly overstay their welcome and eat and drink Fred and Lamont out of house and home. Lamont quickly regrets ever buying the pool table for Fred and tries to convince him that the house is not a pool hall.

Grady, the Star Boarder

Grady is fed up being a boarder for the bickering Ferguson's and vents his frustrations to Fred. Immediately seeing an opportunity to make some quick cash, Fred tries to convince Lamont to agree to let Grady be a "paying boarder" at the house. However, Fred quickly realizes the drawbacks and must find a way to break the news to his old friend.

Wine, Women and Aunt Esther (a.k.a.) Leaving the Nest

Fred and his buddies are down over the death of a close friend and Aunt Esther's over-reacting does nothing to help. Thus, Fred decides to throw a cheer-up party and intends to have it in the Sanford home, complete with booze, music and friends of Fast Fanny, a topless waitress.

Mama's Baby, Papa's Maybe

Grady has a a piece of juicy gossip and is just dying to tell everyone. It seems Grip, an old friend, dated Fred's late-wife, Elizabeth, prior to her getting married to Fred. Elizabeth and Grip had been intimate and Lamont is the result. Fred is convinced Grip is nothing but a "jive turkey" and Esther may have the answer to this paternity question.

Fred Sanford, Legal Eagle

Lamont is disgusted when he receives a traffic ticket for failure to yield on a right turn. Lamont is sure he did the most prudent thing for the situation and lets Fred talk him into fighting the ticket in court. Lamont is prepared to fight for himself but once in the court room he finds himself being represented ... by Fred!

This Land is Whose Land?

While cleaning out the yard, Fred discovers some of Julio's junk on his property and demands that it be removed promptly. Soon, a feud erupts primarily due to Fred, who has a surveyor come over to determine where exactly the property line is. However, what is determined is not exactly what Fred had in mind and sets out to mislead Julio.

Fred's Cheating Heart

When a man stops by the Sanford residence seeking funds for a heart association, Lamont, finds out some interesting facts about heart attacks and decides to use the info to his advantage. The next time Fred has a supposed heart attack, Lamont doesn't take no for an answer and Fred ends up in the hospital for a checkup.

The Party Crasher

Lamont and Rollo are planning a double date and they have a plan to get Fred out of the house so they can have it all to themselves. However, Fred catches on and Lamont and Rollo must make do with the cramped quarters of Rollo's apartment, but they still have problems, the girls aren't happy with the entire arrangement, right down to the refreshments, that's when Fred steps in.

Lamont Goes Karate

Grady has been left in charge while Fred is visiting family in St. Louis and has promised to look after Lamont who comes home with a bloody nose, courtesy of Jo-Jo Jackson, after a fight over a woman. After taking a couple of karate lessons, Lamont goes back to the bar to confront Jo-Jo. However, a concerned Grady, decides tries to intervene.

Will the Real Fred Sanford Please Do Something?

A woman, whom Fred once had a drunken fling with, stops by and becomes convinced that Grady is Fred. Grady is in shock and Lamont is no help trying to convince her otherwise. But Grady has an even bigger problem: The woman decides to hold him to the promise Fred made - marriage.

Tyranny, Thy Name is Grady

After promising Fred that he will keep certain rules alive while he's in St. Louis, Grady tries to keep the house free of Aunt Esther's Bible meetings as well as not allowing Lamont and Rollo to have a party with a couple of fine ladies. In response, Lamont changes all the locks in the house when Grady goes out to a movie, however, Aunt Esther and the members of her Bible meeting become the next interference.

Aunt Esther and Uncle Woodrow Pffttt . . .

Lamont and Grady have an unexpected visitor show up at their doorstep and it turns out to be Woody, Aunt Esther's husband who has been thrown out of the house. Fearing that his marriage is over, Woody asks to stay at the Sanford residence but Grady is against the idea. However, things get worse when Aunt Esther decides to move instead and kicks Woody to the wind.

The Way to Lamont's Heart

Lamont's latest girlfriend, Judy is falling in love with him and likes the idea of settling down someday with the right guy. However, Lamont isn't too happy with that notion and makes up a lie that Grady is his godfather and they'd need his blessing. Judy moves ahead and goes out of her way to shower Grady with her attention.

Hello, Cousin Emma . . . Goodbye, Cousin Emma

Grady's cousin, Emma, has moved from Chicago to California and stops in by Grady and Lamont for a visit. However, the visit turns into a short stay, which is something Lamont is against from the very beginning. Pretty soon, it appears that Cousin Emma is going to stay for quite awhile and fakes illness to get people to wait on her.